Hey, it's Juliana. So, the reason reacting to abuse isn't the same as being abusive is because of the intent. Abusers abuse to gain and maintain power and control. It's not a loss of control, it's not random anger, and it's not caused by you. It's deliberate, calculated, and often learned behavior designed to manipulate you. When you react to that abuse (yelling, saying mean things, even hitting them) that's self-protection. Does this make it okay? Not always. But the point is you're not trying

Not every Christian therapist is equipped to help you heal from narcissistic abuse — and many actually make things worse. Some will shame you for divorcing an abusive spouse. Some will tell you, “It takes two,” “You’re partly to blame,” or “Try harder, pray harder.” And almost none are trained in narcissism, codependency, power dynamics, trauma bonding, or personality disorders. That’s why so many Christian women stay stuck. They’re getting counsel from people who don’t understand the evil they’